Afraid to...

          I consider myself a tough cookie, with my head screwed on tight and feet planted firmly on the ground. I'm not phased by others thoughts and I welcome blunt honesty with open arms.  I live in my own little world and I'm quite proud of who I am and how I've turned out.  For this I have my life experiences from different situations and people to thank.

But I can't deny, I'm afraid...
I'm afraid of letting my guard down because building it up was how I learned to deal with life's harsh realities.
I'm afraid of caring too much about a person because I know how heartbreaking being let down can be.
I'm afraid of doing too much in terms of relationships because I never want to be that annoying girl that doesn't get the hint. 

          I really want to give the rabid doberman pincher's protecting my heart and soul a break and just be the female I am.  Independent but needy at times. Understanding though unreasonable every now and then. And strong but allowed to be weak once in while.  I just want to just be the unadulterated uncensored, unedited me with someone who gets that and won't abandon me for it. 

Is that too much to ask?



Being Realistic...Financially

          So as I mentioned in the beginning of the month here, that I was in desperate need of a financial makeover and the month of July was the start of it all.  Now that July is officially over, how did I do?  In a nutshell, I did OK considering it could have been a lot worse, but let me explain...

          Unfortunately I strayed from all 2/3 of my guidelines that I laid out for myself in some capacity, the first being my "no eating out" rule.  I managed to go out 4 times for dinner which was more than the 2 times I had allotted myself with one of the bills being WAAAY higher than I budgeted for, but well worth it.  I also gave in a little to buying outside snacks when I ran into a Cinnabon while on my way to a movie and was craving some Moose Tracks Emack and Bolio's Ice Cream while window shopping in the mall.  Good thing about it all was even though I blew my goal of $200 I never once this month went out for lunch and managed to make due with 2 grocery store runs both worth no more than $65 each.  Yay me!

          As for the "no new stuff" guideline, MAJOR fail.  An American Apparel circle scarf, maxi skirt, and new lip stain were no where near in my budget I couldn't resist.  $70 unnecessarily spent ::hangs head in shame::

          However, the "no travel" guideline was followed thoroughly as my feet never left the ground this month with my many usual excursions.  Though a few extra trips to Boston sent my gas budget a little over the norm.

          While I could have stuck true to the guidelines for July, it wouldn't have been very realistic because in reality there will be times when I want to buy a few things for myself and get invited out to eat more than I planned, its life.  All in all it wasn't the best I could do, but it put my monthly spending into a realistic point of view and that's a great start for my new financial plan.   

               

What My 20s Have Taught Me Thus Far...

          Yes I know I'm only 23, but my 20s have taught me A LOT about myself and life in these 3 short years. Here is just my top 5 thus far...

1. What looks good on paper might not look so good in real life.  This applies to careers, relationships, pretty much everything. I've learned to look past just the credentials and perks of something (or someone) and focus on how I really feel about what's actually there.  You could have the best job or person in the world, but if your heart is no where in it, its not going anywhere. 
2. Now is the time to focus on you.  Everyone says college is usually where you find "the one" and I was all on that train until things started to fall apart and I realized, how could I spend my time and energy trying to please someone else when I didn't know quite all that makes me happy?  Being by yourself is not many people's ideal situation, but now as a single young professional, being by myself has taught me more about me than being with someone could ever have done.
3. Let Go, Let Flow.  I have learned to love and live by this motto.  Throw caution to the wind, tune out what others have to say, and just go for what you want (all in moderation of course).  For too long I worried about others approving my decisions and choices but its not their life to live, its mines.  At the end of the day its me who has to live with myself so that is whose opinion matter the most to me.  And I gotta tell you since letting all that go, I haven't felt this stress free since, ever.
4. Being honest is the best gift you can give anyone, especially yourself. Where does lying and denial get anyone?  Nowhere.  Life is too short to waist time on lies and denial, just be honest with yourself and others around you.  If there is nothing to hide, there is no added stress to cover up and hide. All that energy now can be used elsewhere.  Its actually becoming increasingly difficult for me to tell a lie and I couldn't feel any better. 
5. Shit happens and life goes on.  How does that saying go? 'Things you can't recover; the stone once its been thrown and the words after they've been said.'  Well in life things happen, mistakes are made, but life goes on.   There's no use in crying over spilt milk, but wipe it up already and go on about your day.  I found that I wasted too much energy worrying about the past and not enough on making my future better.  Its time to flip the script.

          Like I said before I'm not even halfway through my twenties but I'm sure there's plenty of more lessons to be learned.  To the next 7 years and beyond.

Let's Be Honest...

          Ok so its time I'm honest with myself and everyone around me.  Believe it or not I don't like people knowing my struggles but I feel as though this is one many people can identify with and are too afraid or embarrassed to confront.  So here it goes...

          Ever since I started college, I've been living far above my means.  I took out more than I needed in school loans and spent money I didn't have on things I didn't need.  Did I do it to impress someone? Yes, myself.  I wanted things I had never had before, like a real Coach bag and the latest laptop or phone on the market.  I felt I could finally get those things, after spending all my life saving and putting away, because I could finally afford to.  You see my head was filled with the statistics my school was spitting out.  "Average starting salary for undergrads is $54,000".  "Less than 1% student default rate on loans".  In my eyes I could live it up in school because I could pay it all back once I was done.

          Were the stats right?  Yes, but just because you can pay it back doesn't mean you can afford to.  What I failed to realize was just how much being an adult would cost, let alone $54,000 isn't what you wind up taking home at the end of the day. 

          It's now, a year after I graduated college, that I'm finally coming down from my financial high to face reality.  You can't live Oprah's life with an average person's salary.  So this month I'm giving my budget an extreme make over and going on a financial detox diet.  What will this consist of you ask?

1. No Eating Out:  Alright let's face it, eliminating this completely would also extinguish most of my social life, but drastically cutting down on the amount of times I do and making sure I always bring lunch and make breakfast will save me about $120 a month from my regular $250 budget.
2. No New Stuff:  I'm embarrassed to tell you the amount of money I spend on shoes, gadgets and clothes a month, so I won't.  The aim this month is to buy NOTHING (minus the essentials like personal care and household necessities). 
3. Traveling:  Yeah as much as it pains me, I will not be going anywhere this month minus my annual trip up to Maine for the 4th which requires less than a full tank of gas. 

         That is where the majority of my money goes so its time to address those areas head on.  While this is a trial to see just how much I can save in a month, it is the first step in a much longer process of paying off all the debt I've accrued in the last 5 years and beginning to live within my own means. 

Confessions Part 1

I have a confession to make.  I'm not perfect. 

          I don't always get it right.  Sometimes I lose the things I want to hold on to the most.  Once in a while, I let my hopes get too high and my imagination run a little too far. 

          I can get a little insecure, needy, and emotional at times and there are days where it seems like I can never be satisfied, with where I live, what I do, or what I have. 

          Somedays all I want to do is curl up in a ball and for once have someone take care of me.  Cater to my needs and tell me that everything I'm feeling is real but it will pass.  But until it does, I won't have to worry about a thing because they got me.

          Every now and then I get a little depressed, thinking everything that could have been if I had just done something different.

But these are only somedays.

          Most days, I suck it up and try to make the most of what I have right now.  I remind myself everyday that everything happenes the way it does for a reason and even though I may not see its purpose now, I eventually will. 

          No matter how bad I'm feeling, I always try to remember that things could be 100 times worse and that I have so much more to be grateful for than not.

LESSON OF THE DAY 

          You're allowed to feel sorry for yourself once in a while, but don't let that feeling last too long because not only will you start to give in to it, you will also miss out on the things you've been wishing for in the process. 



The Art of Being a Woman

          As if life wasn't hard enough already, I'm a woman.  Blessed with the ability to be amazing in every way but also cursed with wayward, unexplanatory emotions, double standards set by society, and the truth that I don't even understand myself sometimes.  The fact of the matter is that for women, life is even harder.  Its a delicate art to being a "wholesome" woman in the eyes of every person in her life and its never perfectly mastered. 

          Society tells us the "ideal" woman, should think like a man but act like a lady.  Be sassy but never bitchy.  Be caring, giving, and loyal without ever being selfish.  To her family, she has to be the emotional (and sometimes financial) support.  To her man, she has to balance perfectly the submissive, dominant, affectionate, understanding role of housewife, friend and lover.  To her friends, she has to be honest but careful and selfless even when she wants to be selfish. 

          Its all too much at times, to please everyone in the world and still get what you want and deserve.  Its impossible to do so without screwing up once in a while.  Yes, we all have the strength in us to be Superwoman, but even she needs a vacation every now and then.  A vacation from being the selfless friend/acquaintance, the understanding partner, the overworked and underpaid employee, and so on.  We can't do it all, all of the time and its ok... Its OK.

          Its ok to screw up sometimes, to explore your curiosity, to let go of what you think people may think of you, to fall in love with someone you just met.  Its your life, your mistakes, your victories, and most importantly your pursuit of your own happiness.  Know that no one's perfect and you aren't any exception. 

          There will be people who love you for your bravery, judge you for your choices, and hate you for your decisions and all you can do keep your head held high, apologize when you're wrong, try not to make the same mistakes twice, and continue to live your life the way you see fit. 

          In my ups and downs, my prideful moments and shameful ones too, I've realized that the people who were really meant to be there for you will always find their way back to you, no matter how bad you mess up.  So instead of worrying, getting upset and depressed about all the things us women worry, get upset and depressed about; stop, breath, and remember... there is no point wallowing over spilt milk so just move on knowing that you are that much wiser from the experience.  Know that being your own woman is an art that even Picasso himself couldn't master. 

I'm Back...Again

          Sorry I've been MIA.  Lots of stuff went down over the past week or so and I needed to take a little me time to attempt to figure some stuff out.  There is much to tell but its been a while since I've been this happy with life aside for one certain thing but I've come to realize you can't have everything your way (sorry, but Burger King lied).  However, you can focus on the things that are going right, let those blessings uplift you, and pray that in time everything else will fall into the place you hoped it would. 

            I'll update you on the status of my life, She's A 10!, and other such things later, but now I would like to just take a moment to relish in the fact that tomorrow marks the beginning of the best month of the year.  That's right people May is upon us.  The month for Grads, Mom's, the start of beautiful weather, holidays and most importantly ME!  Yes it is my birthday month, and I'll be celebrating this weekend and all month long with the people that are closest to my heart.  To all my May babies, happy soon to be Birthday!

An Epiphany

Last night I had an Epiphany
I was never "about that life"
Going out all the time
Waisting my nights with people that were waisting their lives
Having kids without having a solid stable plan or partner
Hating on people I didn't even know from a can of paint
Getting caught up in the "wrong" crowd
Surrendering my life and hard earned money to drugs and alcohol
Succumbing to the stereotypes society has laid out for me as a young black women from "the hood"

No I'm not about that life.

I'm about thinking about the consequences and being prepared for them before I act
Giving people a fair chance until proven otherwise
Surrounding myself with people who uplift me because its only their opinions that truly matter
I'm about staying true to myself, dreams and goals
Never forgetting where I came from and how I got to where I am now
And in the process of it all, trying to dismantle those negative stereotypes by showing them wrong

Yeah, I'm about my life.

          I'm proud of myself.  For many things but mainly because just these past couple of weeks I've come to learn so much about the person I have been, and am becoming.  I've made plenty of mistakes, some even multiple times but I'm realizing how not to make them again.  I realize that somethings I thought I was ready for, I wasn't at all and even still now. 

          I'm proud of myself because I can see and feel me maturing.  I know I'm still a work in progress but the point is, is that I am progressing and its a very humbling process.  Time heals all wounds but if used correctly, will also make for a better individual who doesn't wound so easily.

Looking Up and Trying to Move On

           ::Lesigh:: We don't always get what we want, but you have to at least try.  Even though yesterday I got an answer that I've been waiting awhile for, I still don't know if I'm willing to accept it.  For now though I just have to believe (even if I really don't want to) that everything happens for a reason and let things run their natural course.  A lot easier said than done, but no one said life would be easy, just that some things worth having are worth taking the time and waiting for and usually those are the best ones.

          So in an effort to keep my head up and move on here are some quotes from one of my beloved childhood favorites to help me get through. 



Happy Monday.

Note To Self

          I know I've neglected posting but LIFE has been calling and that is the reason I blog in the first place.  But any who, here are just a few things I have to remind myself on a daily basis...

Financial

1. "A little goes a long way".  Don't use more than you need to and don't buy more than you have to. 
2. Never pay full price for something, unless its for a good cause.  Chances are somewhere out there you can get it cheaper.
3. Think BEFORE you buy.  Brand names aren't everything.  Do you really need another Coach bag Q?
4. Be happy with what you have.  There are people out there wishing they had just a fraction of what you do.

Health

1. You'll regret not going to the gym but you'll never regret going to the gym.
2. Exercise, its the best stress reliever.
3. Want to feel accomplished? Work out and stick your health plan.
4. That piece of chocolate only has a feel good rating of 10 seconds before you feel like crap for eating it in the first place.

Relationships

1. Let him have his space. You can't make someone forgive you until they're ready to.
2. Trust that if its meant to be, it will be.
3. After you're done crying, smile at the times you had together.
4. No matter how amazing he is, you can't expect him to be the only reason you smile if you can't make your own self happy.  Work on yourself and everything else will start to fall in place.

Life

1. Don't backtrack in life unless whatever it is is absolutely worth it.  You can't move forward if you're still focused on what's behind you. 
2. Things worth having are worth taking the time.
3. Make a difference and do something greater than yourself.
4. On days when you're feeling like nothing can get worse or you're thinking "God, why me?"  Watch this video and count your blessings.
5. One person can make a difference with the help of others.  #kony2012

Story of My Life: A Dedication

Don't Rush Me

For I will Delay

 

Don't try to Convince Me

For I will not Believe

 

And Don't Force Me

For I will put up a Fight

 

But Instead Just be True to Yourself

For I will have no other choice but to fall in Love

 

 

A Letter to A Love

Dear Love,

          As the tears began to fall from my eyes this morning, as I washed away yesterday, something was different.  As quickly as they formed, they disappeared.  It was as if my body could no longer afford to spend any more than a split second wishing and hoping for you before it went back to its daily routine. 

          Life without you has proven to be rough, but I'm making it through.  Going cold turkey on a love and a best friend had me going through withdrawals, but I'll be ok.  In the beginning, in a feverish effort to get back what we had I thought, "I'll just wait for you." But then I realized that you may never come around, and in the chance that you eventually did, my life may have passed me by.  So I will go on to find my happiness within myself and continue to live for me and if one day life brings us back together, then I know we were truly meant to be.

          But I won't hold my breath, for I might die from oxygen deprivation.  I won't hope, for hope requires too much of my heart, and right now its in repair.  And I won't wait, because my life won't wait for me.  But I will live and learn to be the source of my own happiness because in the end that's all any one of us have is ourselves. 

          I want you to know that I'm not bitter and no longer upset or angry with you.  While my heart is still sad from your decision, I realize that you did what you had to in order to make you happy and I can only respect that.  If anything, I owe you a thank you. 

          You've taught me a lot about myself, about life, and even more about relationships and what it really means to be with someone.  You showed me that the men women dream about and talk about in love stories do exist and as much as I might of complained, you were that for me.  I only hope that some woman shows you that same truth.

          So goodbye.  I wish you the best of luck in everything.  And thank you.  You've given me more than any man has yet.

Love Always,

This Too Shall Pass

Keep it together.  Don't flip out.  You have responsibilities to take care of.  This is only temporary. This is only temporary...

          These are the words I chant in my head everyday at work.  To put it simply this isn't the field for me.  I tell myself all the time that maybe its just a bad experience with this project, but in the end I get no sense of fulfillment from what I do and to be honest can't see me ever receiving it by staying here.

Think positive.  Be positive.  This too shall pass...

          But it won't pass on its own.  I am making a goal this week that I will apply to at least one new position each day outside of this field and into one that I actually would enjoy.  I'll keep you updated.

          Though in spite of everything going on in my life, this weekend was much needed.  A mini vaca filled with lots of adventures, venting, some secret cries, and plenty of poor eating.  I'll share more tomorrow.  But before I go a quick...

LESSON OF THE DAY

Stay positive because this too shall pass.  But until it does, keep your head up and "take it like a champ."  :)

Reflection

          So in a valiant effort, despite my current mood (hence the depressing posts), I'm going to try and force myself back into my routine of exercising, writing, and overall trying to keep myself busy.  I find that is the best way I coupe with negative feelings, drown them out with things to keep busy with.

          I know, it may not be the healthiest method but in all honesty I will end up like Bella (reference "Heartbroken for the Holidays" post) if I don't.  So yesterday I went to Zumba  and tried this new Hip Hop class which was awesome!  Got me out of my rut for a while.  But of course it was swamped with all the "New Year, New Body" people who will crowd gyms for a few weeks make regulars like me pissed and then never come back.  Don't get me wrong I'm all for New Year's resolutions but in my opinion they should be somewhat realistic. 

          For example one of my resolutions is to reach my goal weight of 130 Ibs.  But loosing weight is nothing new to me.  At my heaviest I was 170Ibs, that's a lot for any woman but especially for someone who is only 5' 3".  But that was almost 4 years ago and at my lightest I was down to 137 Ibs, only 7 Ibs away from my goal, so clearly my goal is very attainable. 

          Now if your resolution is to lose 50Ibs and you have never step foot in a gym in your life, then maybe you should reevaluate and make your resolution a little more realistic.  I find that my most successful endeavors I just did, no planning, no resolutions, etc  I just realized something I didn't like and began to change my actions so that I could fix it. 

          But I didn't write today to bash your resolution hopes.  I just wanted to reflect on a few things that have and have not worked for me in my life up until now and highlight the ones I want to carry with me as the New Year starts...

• Being an Introvert:  By nature I'm a quiet reserved person.  People who know me always joke that you would swear I'm the meanest person by the way I look sometimes, but I'm real generous and friendly once you get past the deterring facial expressions. But to be honest I kind of like it that way.  It would be easier to make a lot more friends if I were an extrovert, but I value quality over quantity.  But to tweak my sometimes extreme introversion, I'll make and effort to be a little more of an E to meet people in this still very new state.

• Being Honest:  So I feel like this past year I took this to a whole new level.  There is such thing as being too honest and I believe I went there.  Now don't get me wrong, I've told my fair share of white lies that have gotten me into some trouble but I think the lesson taken from this is to know what's appropriate and not appropriate to say based on the occasion, the person, and your relationship with them.  Definitely something that is being taken with me into 2012. 

• Being Thrifty:  I pride myself on being very good with my money.  Finding great deals, saving money on DIYing, I always found a way to save my hard earned money.  Unfortunately I lost my mind after I took out more than I needed on my college loans and developed quite a bad shopping habit.  Going into 2012 I need to get back to the mentality I had in high school about my money.  With only an $8/hr 25 hour a week job over the course of 4 months and saved enough money to buy my first car.

• Being Me:  Through all the bullshit, amazing highs, and terrible lows I still remained the same.  Refined overtime with experience, but nonetheless the same.  Someone told me that if you stay true to yourself, things will work out the way they are suppose to and I truly believe it.  So as I enter 2012 I will continue to be myself, keep my mind open to new things, learn, and hope that everything will work out the way its suppose to.

Acceptance

          What do you do when you have no idea how to fix what's been done?  What do you say when there's nothing else left you can say?  You wish that you could go back in time to take back words you said, things you did just to make it right again. But life isn't a time machine.  You can't go backwards, only forwards. 

          Still it doesn't change the fact that you want what you had back.  You'd do anything to get it back.  That warm feeling in your heart, that smile on your face, you'd do anything to have it back.  But its not up to you, its up to fate.   

          Blinded by the tears in your eyes caused by the pain in your chest that paralyzes and consumes your thoughts, the only way to try to deal is to remind yourself that it is up to fate now.  Que Serra, Serra.  Whatever will be, will be.  

          Though fate doesn't prevent you from breaking down in a crowded club because in spite of being surround by so many people you feel so alone.  It doesn't make it easier to keep it together at work because your mind can only really think about the one person you no longer have.  And it definitely can't hide the hurt and emptiness you feel in your heart that shows on your face even when you try to muster up a smile.  Nope Fate can't even stop the tears from running down your face as the radio plays songs that remind you of him. 

        I had a great thing and I lost it.  And now there is nothing left for me to do but accept it.     

25 Days of Blessings: Lovin' Me Some Me Time

         Learning to enjoy your own company is one of the best things you can do for yourself.  So many people overlook this and wonder why they can't find love or happiness.  It all starts with finding it within yourself.  I know, cliche but its the truth.  Now while I'm no master of the art and often times get lonely too, for the most part I enjoy my own presence.  And I'm blessed to be able to be alone and be ok.

          What I've noticed is that there are so many people out there who can't stand being alone.  They get antsy when there is no one around.  While being around other people makes me happy and I would never wish a life of solidarity on anyone, its real important to me to be able to have my own quiet time to just do me.  This past Sunday was pure bliss.  While the Mr. was sleep I went to the living room, lit a fire, warmed up some of my left over chocolate ship cookies, got my journal and curled up under a blanket on the sofa by the fire. 

  

Pure bliss :). 

LESSON OF THE DAY

Remember, sometimes it the simple things in life that bring you the most pleasure.

25 Days of Blessings: Mi Familia

          Good Monday everyone.  Another mellow start to the day and that is what I need after my emotions have been up, down, around, and all over the place.  Its a slow process but I'm working on keeping those bad boys in check. 

          So this weekend was...low key.  Cleaning, shopping, and relaxing Friday night.  Saturday AM cooking and some more cleaning (for the record my apartment is not that dirty, I just have OCD).  After all that, I took my ass down to the Prometric testing center to take my GRE.  Good thing about it is that it was on a computer and they gave you your score right after the test.  I didn't do as well as I hoped but did fair enough for not really studying :).  We'll see what that means for my acceptance to my grad school.  Nice thing about it was the sweet sunset that was waiting for me on my way home. I'll admit, I kind of have a thing for taking pictures of sunrises\sunsets.

 

          Later that night, I had planned to have a little party just because, but it didn't turn out anything like I hoped it would be.  I wouldn't say it was a complete bust because one of my friends came as well as the Mr. and my roomate was there, but it wound up being a stuff-your-face-sit-down-therapy-session about sex, relationships and all things related. Fun shit.

          Sunday was a day spent in bed and after sleeping the day away I recieved a phone call from my Ma.  She called me because my nephew (age 2) was running around asking for me.  She put him on the phone and said all but a few words, "Hi Auntie Tay Tay" and ended with an "I love you".  It was that moment that the tears started to fall.  Why you ask?  Well, not too long ago I went home and when I went to pick him up, he ran.  Not because I scared him or he was playing around, but because he didn't know me or even remembered my name.  Now to hear that he was randomly asking for me, touched my heart and made me realized how much I miss them and how much I'm missing as my nephews and little sister grow up. 

          So today's blessing is dedicated to my family.  As much hell as they put me through and as crazy, disfunctional, and aggrivating they may be at times, I still love them to death.  Even though they haven't always been there, I am who I am today because of them, and for that I'm truely blessed. 

25 Days of Blessings: The Gift of Giving

          Good Moooooorning Everyone!  The sun is shining, tomorrow's pay day, and today is the first day of December!  Do you know what that means?  It means I can dive full on into the holidays!  I love it, just something about it makes me feel good.  So to honor the 25 days of Christmas, everyday I will be posting a blessing of mine.  Before you jump to conclusions, I'm not an extremely religious person by any means but I do believe in a higher Being and that they have a major effect on the life I have and live. 

          So in the spirit of Christmas, my first blessing is that I'm able to give to the ones I love.  While Black Friday was mainly a day for muah, I had finished most of my Christmas shopping a few weeks prior.  But giving doesn't only mean tangible gifts, it could mean something more.  This past weekend I was able to give my stepmom some time to be alone from my little sister after receiving some bad news, at the same time I was able to take the little one out mini golfing with the Mr. and give her a day out of the house. 

 

LESSON OF THE DAY

          I apologize if my Christmas cheer is too cheesy or corny for you, well actually I'm not.  If you don't like it simply type in another URL and get off my page :).  But in all seriousness, count your blessings.  You never know who is praying they had what you do.



"36 Things to Do While You're Single"

          Before you say anything, I know, I'm not single nor do I want to be.  I enjoy my relationship very much, however I found this article a while back when I was single and looking at it now, it still applies to me.  The article is entitled "36 Things to Do While You're Single" and while I credit the writer for her lovely list (whom I unfortunately do not remember) it should be entitled "36 Things to Do While You're Young and Unmarried".  

"36 Things to Do While You're Single"

To Build Your Confidence…

1. Go to a movie alone. I've done this and it was kind of fun. I recommend a matinee though

2. Lift weights. When I bench-press 45 lbs., I feel like the bomb.

3. Try surfing, water-skiing, or some activity you don't already know how to do. Could be riding a bicycle.

4. Take out the trash, set a mousetrap, do your taxes, build a bookcase.  I believe every woman should have a toolbag, makes you feel like Ms. Independent and helps you get things done

5. Live alone, or at least move apartments without the help of family.

6. Train for (and finish) a huge physical test like a half-marathon.

7. Go to a scary doctor's appointment by yourself. I once dragged myself to a CAT Scan in the dead of winter, all the way over on 1st Ave., post-break-up. I felt like I was made of steel.

8. Quit your job. It feels so good to take a job and shove it (and not be affecting anyone else's livelihood).

9. Fly to a foreign country by yourself. I was nervous on my first solo trip to Europe, even though I almost always have to travel alone.

10. Learn to stand up for yourself. (If you're not naturally assertive, may I recommend moving to New York City? It did wonders for me.)

To Be Able to Look Back and Say "I Had Fun"…

11. Witness something once-in-a-lifetime, like Jokulsarlon, a lake next to a melting glacier in Iceland (see photo).

12. Revel in being able to watch all the reality TV you want. I'm pretty sure no man will be able to stand as much Bravo TV as my roommate Erica.  Though some men can :)

13. Get drunk during the day, just because you can. Attend Santacon, the convention for Santas, or something similar.  I recomend Miami do do this, its the norm down there

14. Go on a date with someone who actually makes you nervous.

15. Go out with an older man who takes you somewhere nice and makes you feel like a million bucks.

16. Go out with a guy who makes you laugh ‘til it hurts.

To Get Perspective…

17. Be a good wingwoman. It's not always about you.

18. Chill with your widowed and single grandma. She knows "alone"!

19. Volunteer.

To Make You Appreciate the Next Guy…

20. Do at least one Valentine's Day alone.

21. Attend a wedding (or 15) alone.

22. Date the creeps. You'll really value the nice guys afterward.

To Make You Feel Sexy and Attractive…

23. Buy yourself some flowers.

24. Invest in a LBD (little black dress) and some sexy stilettos.

25. Sit at a bar by yourself and drink a martini. Cool.  I really would like to do this but I'm scared

26. Buy something frivolous and expensive that you LOVE wearing.

To Make the Most of Your Free Time…

27. Finish all your schooling if you can. Not that it was ever my goal to go to grad school, but I did, and it would've been tough dragging a guy up to isolated New Hampshire and making him sit there in the cold for two years while I studied (and partied).

28. Throw yourself into something time-consuming, like learning a foreign language. You may not have time to do this again until you retire and the kids are off to college.

To Make Yourself a Better Partner in the Future…

29. Make a list of all your faults.

30. Learn to cook well. I'm still working on this.

31. Get some hobbies. Something's gotta keep you occupied—plus it'll make you seem interesting.

32. Let your married friends edit your online dating profile. My dear friend Cheryl has caught a few doozies.

33. Get your finances in order.

To Appreciate Being Single…

34. Babysit someone's baby for an hour.  My nephews often do the trick

35. Help a friend through her divorce or a bad break-up.

36. Host a girls-only night. I think some coupled-up women forget how much we need each other." Much needed especially if you are in a relationship

"A Woman Should Have"

          Happy Friday everyone.  Not in the best place mentally today so I thought I'd share with you something that helps me get through days like these.   


          While cleaning out a bunch of old stuff on my hard drive a while back, I came across this poem that I saved from somewhere.  It I don't remember where I got it from or who wrote it but it gives me a sense of Independence, strength, and confidence on days when I'm stressed and question myself.  Its a little reminder that I can get through and do anything if I set my mind to it.  Hopefully it could do the same for you. 

"A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
something perfect to wear

if the employer, or date of her dreams
wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
a youth she's content to leave behind....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward

to retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and

a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
one friend who always makes her laugh..

and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a good piece of furniture

not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a feeling of control

over her destiny..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love

without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend,
without ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder...

and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...

but it's over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do...

for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone...

even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming Inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
What she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month... and a year..."